How To Sort of Prepare Yourself for Senior Year

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that White Haje and I are now friends. The bad news is that my last year of high school shall commence in six days AND I AM SO NOT READY FOR THIS.

But back to White Haje. It was quite cool how we met, actually. He showed up to the last couple meetings of Japanese Language Club, and it turns he's a pretty chill guy. First of all, we both share a common passion for the Japanese language. And let me tell you, it is SO HARD to find someone else who is studying Japanese. People are always studying French or Spanish or Chinese... But not Japanese. So the fact that this guy is STUDYING JAPANESE makes him super awesome. Also, he watches anime, is cultured, and actually talks to girls (unlike a good percentage of the guys in my old school). So I figured it was safe to tell this guy about his resemblance to Korean Haje and how I've wanted to talk to him ever since I first met him blah blah blah.

Korean Haje

So I did. And he was pretty chill about it. In fact, he even said: "Wow...us meeting like this...this is kind of like fate, the universe, you know?"

YES, HE SAID THE THING ABOUT FATE! Although he did mention afterwards that I had to call him by his real name from now on, but meh. We kind of just stared talking on facebook after that and we bused back together a couple times on the last few days of school, talking about Japanese mostly. He reminds me of myself, when I first started studying the language. Overwhelmed by the sense of euphoria and determined to become fluent, even if it means giving up one's social life. Lately though, I've found that my passion for the Japanese language has been dwindling... Don't get me wrong, it is still the most beautiful language I have ever heard, but now studying it has almost become like a chore... Sigh. I've tried taking a break from Japanese by occupying myself with French and Latin, but it's been several months now and I don't really know what to do anymore.

And now, back to school--

Update: Sorry if this next section is entirely in CAPS. I didn't write it that way--only some things were supposed to be in caps. Like, I'm in the EDIT section of this post right now and the post looks normal, but when I go to preview, the entire thing gets messed up ;_; 

It's so weird. Normally, around this time of year--the end of August--I am just dying to go back to school. To open a new pack of pencils, to see my friends again, to just be at school. But I don't know if it's old age or what, but this summer has gone by way too fast. Like, I need a whole other month. I'm super jealous of Phineas in Ferb--they get 104 days of summer vacation. I get like 60 something. That is a frigging ridiculous number. I remember around May, a friend from the States texted me, mentioning that his exams were almost done. EXCUSE ME. BUT IT IS MAY. WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE ANOTHER MONTH OF SCHOOL LEFT. 

All summer long, I've been dreading going back to school. Last year was just such a bad year for me, in terms of grades. I'm actually worried that I won't even be able to make it into university. In grade ten, I was a silver medal student. My average was in the frigging 90s. My mark in Math was an 86 or something. Last year, guess what my mark in Math was. Come on, just guess.

A 60-bloody-7. 67. THAT SUCKS. Okay, that actually sucks. And I worked SO HARD for that too. So all summer, I've been thinking about that number, thinking and thinking. Wondering if it's even POSSIBLE to do better than I did last year or if I'm doomed to be stupid forever. I've just been so stressed out. When I was in middle school, I would be SO SAD if I got a mark in the low 80s. For me, that was a fail. And people would always say Gee, how do you think I feel with my low-ball mark? BUT THIS IS A 67! I told some random person a couple weeks ago about my grade, and they told me: "wow, I would be LUCKY to get that grade."

Which means that it could get worse. THIS HORRIBLE NUMBER COULD GET WORSE! I am convinced that Math was invented by Satan himself at this point. 

And okay, okay. I agree with the people from my past who got pissed off at me for complaining about an 82, because if I got an 82 in Math during my grade 11 year...aaaaah that would be so wonderful! That would be heaven! I would clean the entire house and not complain one bit if I got such a marvelous grade! BUT A 67...OKAY, I THINK I AM DEFINITELY ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT A 67. And while I'm on a rant, let me just point something else out:

I hate it when adults think that they're the ONLY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD who have the right to be stressed out. Like, excuse the fudge me, but do you have a patent on stress or something? I was working out at a gym in Nova Scotia this summer and the coach there asked me how I was enjoying my vacation. To which I responded something like, oh yeah, it's so nice! I've just been able to relieve so much stress!

And do you know what that woman said to me? She LAUGHED and said "what does a 17 year old have to be stressed about?"

EXCUSE ME? EXCUSEZ MOI!? DID YOU JUST FAST FORWARD THROUGH THE PART OF YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU'RE A TEENAGER AND HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT SHIT, OR DID YOU HAVE SUPER PROTECTIVE PARENTS WHO PROTECTED YOU FROM THAT SHIT, OR DO YOU JUST ONLY REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES OR SOMETHING, OR ARE YOU JUST SO OLD YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER BEING A TEENAGER PERIOD?

#ugh #teenage angst #sorry if im offending any adults, im mostly referring to that gym coach and my mom who also seems to think she is the only one who is allowed to be stressed #just because my stress may not seem as epic as yours doesn't mean im still not affected by this btw mom #double ugh #also school you need to go away, no one even likes you